when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
