we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
