they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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