Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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