the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
