This is not my ceiling
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
