I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
