one might say we're banned from that church
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
