I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
