I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
