just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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