Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
