my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
