I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
