problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
