the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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