I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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