I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
