Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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