i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sobbing to NWA
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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