Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
