I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
