Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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