i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
