after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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