franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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