You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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