I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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