I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize