im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
