Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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