Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
