God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
