I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
