she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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