u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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