You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
