uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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