We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm determined to sit on that face.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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