found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
