He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
