New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She bit a glass in half.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
