"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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