Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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