I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize