or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
