You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
