I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
