Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
