Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
