Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
