Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
