my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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