I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
