We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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