Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
