Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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