I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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