Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
