Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
