They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would fuck him just for his dog
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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