im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
