I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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