somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
